I spend a lot of time talking about how to be inspiring, energetic, and influential. But what happens when you need to deliver bad news and the moment requires the exact opposite energy?
Just imagine if a doctor delivered a terminal diagnosis like:
“Hi Susan, thanks for coming in. Unfortunate news, you have cancer. It’s quite aggressive. You’ve got six months. Get your family in. Sorry about that.”
I personally have had family members pass away from cancer, and I remember the people who delivered the news.
Some of them delivered it “straight to the cup.” Cold. Clinical. Detached. And I can tell you:
It hurt.😞
But why are some people so bad at delivering bad news? Why do managers fire people over Zoom in 3 minutes? Why do some doctors sound like robots?
Because they were never trained.
During your education or professional career, you are taught what to say (the data, the diagnosis, the facts). You are rarely taught how to say it.
How To Deliver Bad News
If you are a leader, a parent, or just a human being, you will eventually have to give someone bad news – but how you deliver it has a massive impact on how the other person receives the information.
Here is how to deliver bad news with love and compassion;
1. Shift Your Gears (The Energy Shift)
The most common mistake people make is staying in their “default” gear.
If I was to convey bad news to someone with high energy, loud volume, and fast pace (even if I was trying to be positive) it would be jarring. It would feel disconnected.
You have to be able to switch gears.
You need to move from “high energy/inspirational” to “nurture/love/care”;
- Slow down the pace.
- Lower the volume.
- Soften the tone.
You must use your facial expressions, your body language, and your voice to display love. You are creating a safe space for their emotional discomfort.
2. The “We” Framework
When delivering bad news, the scariest thing for the recipient is the feeling of isolation.
“I am alone in this.”
Your job is to bridge that gap immediately.
Here is how I would roleplay that same doctor scenario from above, but using the “we” framework:
“Susan… I know you’ve been waiting for these results. Do you have a moment? Let’s sit down.”
“What I’m about to share with you is going to be very difficult to hear. The results have come back, and it’s not looking good.”
“Now, Susan, even though what I’m about to say is scary, I am here for you. We are going to walk this path together. You are not alone.”
Notice the difference? I acknowledged the fear. I slowed down. But most importantly, I reassured her that I would be holding her hand every step of the process.
Summary
Delivering bad news is one of the hardest things we do, but it is an important skill for all of us to master. Remember, it is not just about the facts (the what); it is about the delivery (the how).
- Shift Your Gears: Move from efficiency to empathy. Slow down, lower your volume, and soften your tone.
- Use the “We” Framework: Eliminate the fear of isolation. Remind them that they do not have to walk the path alone.
