If you struggle with social anxiety, I’ve taken thousands of students through this 5 step process, and I can tell you:

It works.

I believe anxiety comes simply from unfamiliarity. 

Think of it like a peanut allergy: scientists have found that a lack of exposure to peanuts early on creates the allergy. 

Today, we are so addicted to screens 📱 that we have essentially created a “peanut allergy” for social interaction.

So, how do you overcome social anxiety in a world where face-to-face interactions are becoming few and far between?  

Dan, (who is part of my team and also happens to be a qualified psychologist) taught me the answer: Exposure Therapy. 

Overcoming social anxiety by exposing yourself to social interactions isn’t about jumping into the deep end; it is about slow, gradual, (and honestly sometimes boring) progression.

But if you stick with it, I promise it will change your life. ❤️

5 Simple Ideas to Expose Yourself to Social Interactions & Overcome Your Anxiety

Level 1: The Voice Message Stop texting. Start small by sending a voice message to a friend once a day. Play with your vocal foundations while you do it – the idea here is to get comfortable with communicating with your voice rather than your fingers. 

Level 2: The Video Message Take it up a step & send a video. You might think, “Oh Vinh, that is so weird.” It is only weird because you think it is weird. As Confucius says (with my addition):

If you think you’re weird, well then you’re weird.

Send a video just sharing a thought you had about them.

Level 3: The Grocery Store Clerk Stop using the self-checkout! Go to an actual human being and while they are scanning your goods, talk to them, ask them how their day is going. 

  • When they reciprocate, don’t just say “Good.” Tell them the most exciting thing that happened to you that day.
  • Then, ask them: “What is the most exciting thing that happened to you today?”.
  • If you are feeling brave, ask them a curly-whirly one: “What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned in the last 12 months?”. 

You will see them light up because someone actually cares about their opinion. 

Remember, simply having some good questions up your sleeve is the key to making small talk easy.

Level 4: The City Walk Go for a 30-minute walk in the city. Set a KPI (Key Performance Indicator) for yourself: You must greet 10 people. Once you master the greeting, level up: Greet, then compliment, then ask a question. Ask for a recommendation on where to eat or find good coffee.

Level 5: The Work Presentation Find an opportunity at work. Go to your manager and ask, “Hey James, do you mind if I take 2 to 5 minutes in the next team meeting to share some results I’ve found?”.

The Power of Slow Progress

I know this sounds painfully slow (and likely terrifying). But I am a believer in slow progress, so for now, simply focus on Level 1 and stop freaking out about the thought of talking to strangers on the street. 

Don’t throw shade on slow progress.  It is the most powerful form of progress in the world because it sticks. 

So, start with the voice note. 

Do the work. 

And slowly, you will realise you aren’t allergic to people anymore.