Have you ever felt like you’re the only person who can actually hear your voice?
You speak up, but your words seem to vanish into thin air and the conversation moves on as if you weren’t even there. 👻
If you feel like you’re constantly being ignored, there is a very specific reason for it.
It all comes down to Presence.
Presence isn’t some magical quality you’re either born with or you’re not. It’s a skill anyone can learn which comes down to a combination of two things:
- Vocal Presence and
- Visual Presence.
So if you want to stand out in a crowd and command people’s attention – here’s exactly what to do:
Mastering Your Vocal Presence
Vocal presence is entirely about how you use your voice. Most people think they are just “quiet,” but the truth is they aren’t utilising the five key foundations of vocal delivery.
If you want to stop being ignored, you need to master these five areas:
- Rate of Speech: How fast or slow you talk.
- Volume: Your ability to project (without shouting).
- Tonality: The emotional quality of your voice.
- Pitch and Melody: The highs and lows that keep people engaged.
- The Pause: The silence that gives your words weight.
When you lack vocal presence, you often will sound hesitant and use too many filler words like “um” and “ah,” or speak in a monotone drone which could make even an insomniac doze off.
If you aren’t using these tools, you are essentially telling the listener’s brain that your message isn’t important enough to pay attention to.
Increasing Your Visual Presence
The second half of the equation is visual presence; how you show up physically in the world.
There are two ways to dial this up:
1. Your Style and Clothing
If you want to stand out, don’t be afraid to wear something a little louder!
In my professional life, I often dress conservatively to keep the focus on the message. But in my personal life? My wife has turned me into someone who loves fun, vibrant clothes.
We even wear matching outfits as a family on weekends. (I know, it’s nauseating to some, but we love it!)
The point is: when you dress in a way that makes you feel visible, you start to act visible.
2. Your Body Language
It is incredibly difficult to be invisible when you use larger gestures and more animated facial expressions.
When you shrink your body, you signal to others that you want to be ignored. When you open up your posture and use your hands to emphasize your points, you command the space around you. Pair this with a strong voice, and suddenly, you’re impossible to ignore.
Why Growth Feels Gross
Here’s a reality check: when you start trying these new behaviours, it’s going to feel weird. 🤢
That “unnatural” feeling is just your brain realizing you’re doing something new. Your current habits feel natural because you’ve been repeating them for 20 years. But if those habits aren’t serving you, they aren’t optimal.
Remember: If it doesn’t feel weird, you’re probably not trying hard enough!
You have to be courageous enough to step out of your comfort zone and try on these new habits until they become your new normal.
How to Change (The Sustainable Way)
When it comes to improving communication skills, most people fail because they try to change everything overnight. They want the “30-day plan” to become a master communicator.
But in reality, meaningful progress is slow. 🐢
If you want to stop being the “quiet person” at work or in social groups, use the KPI Method.
The 3-Step KPI Plan To Make You Impossible to Ignore:
1. The Phone Call KPI: Once a day, call a store to ask a simple question. The goal? Use a loud, vibrant voice. Practice projecting your name and your request clearly.
2. The Greeting KPI: Once you’ve mastered the phone, start greeting one stranger a day in person. Use a strong, friendly voice that sends out good vibes.
3. The Compliment KPI: Finally, pair your greeting with a compliment. “I love your glasses, where did you get them?” Say it with confidence and energy.
A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. (Sorry for the cheesy line, I hope you’re not lactose intolerant!). So rather than trying to completely reinvent yourself overnight, just pick up the phone, use your voice, and watch how quickly the world stops ignoring you.
