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Most people have a “crappy” apology game and often tend to use phrases that deflect responsibility:

• “I’m sorry if I offended you.”
• “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
• “I’m sorry, but you don’t know what I’m going through…”

I used to be one of those people before I realized that apologizing sincerely isn’t a sign of weakness, but rather an opportunity to deepen the relationships with the people that you care about. 

Here’s a simple but effective framework you can use to make the most of a bad situation:👇

5 Step Framework For a Sincere Apology

Step 1: Say “I’m Sorry.”

That’s all. Just say “I’m sorry.”

Step 2: Be Specific

Say what you are sorry for in detail. You need to acknowledge the specific action that caused the harm.

Step 3: Show Understanding

Show that you understand why what you did was wrong. This is the empathy step. You need to articulate that you understand the impact your actions had on the other person.

Step 4: The Prevention Plan

Share why you are not going to allow this to happen again. An apology without a change in behavior is just manipulation. You need to voice your commitment to doing better.

Step 5: Reparations

If appropriate, share reparations. How are you going to make it right?

The Framework In Action

Let’s look at how this sounds when you put it all together. Imagine a manager apologizing to an employee, “Dan”, for making him work late. 

(Completely hypothetical of course, I’m great to work for right Dan? 😂)

Instead of a vague “Sorry about the late nights,” you would say:

(Step 1) “Hey Dan, I’m sorry.“

(Step 2) “I’m sorry that I’ve been making you work late multiple days in the last couple of weeks.”

(Step 3) “I know that when I make you work late, it causes you not to be able to spend as much time with your family, and I know that’s really important to you.”

(Step 4) “In order to make sure that this doesn’t happen again in the future, I’m going to make sure we spread out your workload so that you never have to stay back late.”

(Step 5) “And for all the days that you’ve worked overtime, I’m going to make sure I compensate you for that financially.”

Key Takeaways:

Remember, a sincere apology isn’t a sign of weakness but rather an opportunity to strengthen your relationships. ❤️

Whether in your personal or professional life, chances are you will find yourself in a situation where you need to give someone challenging feedback. You need to tell them they are doing something wrong, but you don’t want them to take it personally, get defensive, or shut down.

So, how do you make negative feedback feel positive and constructive?

1. Protect The Ego (Location Matters)

This is rule number one. Never give negative feedback in public.

One of the worst things you can do is critique someone in front of their peers. The moment you do that, their ego takes a hit. They stop listening to what you are saying because they are too busy defending who they are.

Always pull them aside and deliver the feedback in a private, safe space.

2. The Sandwich Technique (With a Twist)

When I give feedback, I use a very simple framework called the Sandwich Technique. It’s not complicated at all, but it works.

• The Top Bun (Positive): Start with a compliment or validation to lower their defenses.
• The Meat (Constructive): deliver the feedback/critique.
• The Bottom Bun (Positive): End with encouragement.

But here is where most people fail. They get the structure right, but they get the delivery wrong.

The Secret Sandwich Ingredient: Tonality

Most leaders do this: They start nicely: “Hey Ken, you did amazing asking those questions…” Then, they immediately switch their voice to “Serious Boss Mode”: “…BUT, you really need to improve this.”

You cannot switch tonality.

If you switch from a “warm” voice to a “cold” voice, the other person feels the trap and your message comes off insincere. 

You must keep that caring tonality moving forward through the entire conversation.

Summary

Often, when people give feedback, they strip away all emotion and become robotic. 

But if you focus on providing that feedback in a tone that says: “I care about you” – the recipient will be much more likely to accept your critique. 

A lot of people overcomplicate storytelling – generally believing one of three common misconceptions:

1. My life isn’t interesting: You think stories are about events. They’re not! Walking your dog can be a better story than climbing Everest if the meaning is relatable.
2. Stories are just fluff: You’ve been told to stick to the data. But facts without stories are forgettable. Stories are the glue that makes the facts stick to the brain.
3. I’m an introvert: You don’t need to be loud to be a storyteller. Some of the best storytellers are quiet people who have mastered structure and timing rather than sheer bravado.

Anyone can deliver more memorable and influential presentations via the power of story telling! It all comes down to three simple ingredients: 

Ingredient 1: Be Specific (The 5 Senses + 1 Gamechanger!)

Most people are too general. They say, “I was nervous before the meeting.” 

*yawn*

If you want to know how to tell truly great story that people actually feel, you have to incorporate the five senses – for example:

1. Sight: “The three interviewers were wearing dark suits, staring at me like I was on trial.”
2. Sound: “The only thing I could hear was the clicking of a pen. It was louder than my heartbeat.”
3. Smell: “The room smelled like coffee that had been sitting in the pot for three days.”
4. Taste: “My mouth was so dry it felt like I was chewing on cardboard.”
5. Touch: “My palms were so sweaty the paper in my hands began to wrinkle.”

The Bonus Ingredient: Emotion. 

Don’t just describe the room; describe the wave of panic or the feeling that “I don’t belong here.” When you use these types of details, you activate the listener’s mirror neurons. Their brain simulates the experience. They aren’t just listening; they are living it with you.

Ingredient 2: Reliving vs. Reporting

This is where most speakers fail at story telling.

Reporting is just information. It’s flat. It’s the Wikipedia version of your life. 

“Last night I went on stage. I was nervous. Then I gave my talk.”

Reliving is transformation. 

“I’m standing behind the curtain. I can feel the heat of the spotlights. My hands are shaking so hard my notes are rattling.”

How to switch from Reporting to Reliving:

• Use Present Tense: Don’t say “I was.” Say “I am.”
• Let Your Body Join In: If you’re talking about your hands shaking, let them shake! 
• Change Your Energy: If the moment was quiet, speak quietly. If it was intense, let your voice reflect that.

Ingredient 3: Share the Meaning

A story without meaning is just a “campfire tale.” In a presentation setting, your story must be a gift to the audience. 

You must bridge the gap by saying the magic words: 

👉 “The reason I’m telling you this is because…“

This is where you deliver the lesson. Your audience doesn’t just want to know what happened to you; they want to know what it means for them. 

Think of the story as the doorway, and the meaning is the room you’re leading them into.

Bonus Tip: Knowing When to Tell a Story

Mastery is knowing which moment you’re in. 

• Got 15+ minutes? Tell a story. It builds connection and makes your message stick.
• In a high-pressure Q&A? Give a straight, precise answer. 

Incorporate these three things the next time you tell a story.

I’m confident you’ll find that people don’t just hear your words, they’ll actually remember them. 😉

If you’ve ever felt your heart racing, palms sweaty, knees weak, and arms are heavy right before a presentation, you are not alone. (Hopefully, you managed to avoid mom’s spaghetti for lunch, though.) 😂

In fact, you’re in very good company. 

I’ve been on thousands of stages in my lifetime, and I still have to manage my nerves. But over the years, I’ve learned that nerves aren’t something you need to “cure.” They are just something you need to understand and reframe.

Here are four powerful strategies to help you calm your nerves, lose yourself in the moment, and own the stage.

1. Shift the Spotlight (It’s Not About You)

We tend to get nervous when we make things about ourselves. That is why we call it “self-conscious” – because we are putting too much of our consciousness on the self.

When you are obsessing over how you look or how you sound, you start to spiral. You freak out because the stakes feel personal.

The fix? Take that consciousness and put it on other people.

You have to tell yourself: “It’s not about me. It’s about the people I am about to serve.”

The message you are about to deliver isn’t there to make you look good; it is there to inform, educate, inspire or perhaps even change their lives. 

When you remove the focus from yourself and place it on the audience, nerves reduce dramatically.

2. The Biological Hack: Nervous vs. Excited

Do you know what happens to your body biologically when you feel nervous?

Your adrenal glands release adrenaline into your bloodstream. This causes:

• Sweaty hands
• Shaking
• Dry mouth
• Racing heart

Here is the fascinating part: Your body literally doesn’t know the difference between fear and excitement.

Biologically, the symptoms are identical. The only difference is the psychological label you put on it.

So, here is the hack. When I’m backstage and I feel my hands sweating and my heart racing, I don’t say, “I’m nervous.” I say out loud: 

“Here we go, Vinh. This is what excitement feels like, baby! Let’s have some fun.” 🚀

I literally re-label the symptoms. If my body can’t tell the difference, I get to decide what those symptoms mean.

3. Slow Down to Calm Down

When we are nervous, our first instinct is to speed up. We increase our rate of speech because we just want the experience to be over and done with.

But speeding up only signals to your brain that you are in danger, which makes you more nervous.

Although somewhat counter-intuitive, the solution is to simply: Slow down.

A slow rate of speech doesn’t just make the audience feel more relaxed; it relaxes you. By consciously slowing your pace, you hack your own biology. You signal to your brain that you are in control, and the feelings of panic start to subside.

4. Practice With The Lights On

This final insight took me over a decade to figure out.

We often blame our nerves on fear of failure or judgment. But there is a physical factor we overlook: The Lights.

Stage lights are bright. They beam directly into your eyes, hindering your ability to concentrate. It’s actually a tactic police use during interrogations to rattle people! If you aren’t used to it, it will disorient you.

To fix this, you need to desensitize yourself.

• The Pro Way: Hire a local theater and rehearse with the full stage lights blasting in your face.
• The Cheaper Way: Buy some cheap studio lights for your home, turn them to full blast, and rehearse in front of them.

If you get comfortable with the physical sensation of bright lights before the presentation, you won’t be thrown off when you step on stage. 

The 5 Simple Steps To Stop Feeling Nervous Before Giving A Presentation:

If the thought of an upcoming presentation is keeping you up at night just remember:

1. Shift your focus from yourself to the audience.
2. Reframe your anxiety as excitement.
3. Slow your rate of speech, &
4. Desensitize yourself to presenting in front of bright lights. 
5. Remember to have some fun and enjoy the moment! ❤️

Have you ever felt like you’re the only person who can actually hear your voice?  

You speak up, but your words seem to vanish into thin air and the conversation moves on as if you weren’t even there. 👻

If you feel like you’re constantly being ignored, there is a very specific reason for it. 

It all comes down to Presence.

Presence isn’t some magical quality you’re either born with or you’re not. It’s a skill anyone can learn which comes down to a combination of two things: 

1. Vocal Presence and 
2. Visual Presence.

So if you want to stand out in a crowd and command people’s attention – here’s exactly what to do:

Mastering Your Vocal Presence

Vocal presence is entirely about how you use your voice. Most people think they are just “quiet,” but the truth is they aren’t utilising the five key foundations of vocal delivery. 

If you want to stop being ignored, you need to master these five areas:

• Rate of Speech: How fast or slow you talk.
• Volume: Your ability to project (without shouting).
• Tonality: The emotional quality of your voice.
• Pitch and Melody: The highs and lows that keep people engaged.
• The Pause: The silence that gives your words weight.

When you lack vocal presence, you often will sound hesitant and use too many filler words like “um” and “ah,” or speak in a monotone drone which could make even an insomniac doze off. 

If you aren’t using these tools, you are essentially telling the listener’s brain that your message isn’t important enough to pay attention to.

Increasing Your Visual Presence

The second half of the equation is visual presence; how you show up physically in the world. 

There are two ways to dial this up:

1. Your Style and Clothing

If you want to stand out, don’t be afraid to wear something a little louder! 

In my professional life, I often dress conservatively to keep the focus on the message. But in my personal life? My wife has turned me into someone who loves fun, vibrant clothes. 

We even wear matching outfits as a family on weekends. (I know, it’s nauseating to some, but we love it!) 

The point is: when you dress in a way that makes you feel visible, you start to act visible. 

2. Your Body Language

It is incredibly difficult to be invisible when you use larger gestures and more animated facial expressions. 

When you shrink your body, you signal to others that you want to be ignored. When you open up your posture and use your hands to emphasize your points, you command the space around you. Pair this with a strong voice, and suddenly, you’re impossible to ignore.

Why Growth Feels Gross

Here’s a reality check: when you start trying these new behaviours, it’s going to feel weird. 🤢

That “unnatural” feeling is just your brain realizing you’re doing something new. Your current habits feel natural because you’ve been repeating them for 20 years. But if those habits aren’t serving you, they aren’t optimal. 

Remember: If it doesn’t feel weird, you’re probably not trying hard enough!  

You have to be courageous enough to step out of your comfort zone and try on these new habits until they become your new normal.

How to Change (The Sustainable Way)

When it comes to improving communication skills, most people fail because they try to change everything overnight. They want the “30-day plan” to become a master communicator. 

But in reality, meaningful progress is slow. 🐢

If you want to stop being the “quiet person” at work or in social groups, use the KPI Method. 

The 3-Step KPI Plan To Make You Impossible to Ignore:

1.  The Phone Call KPI: Once a day, call a store to ask a simple question. The goal? Use a loud, vibrant voice. Practice projecting your name and your request clearly. 

2.  The Greeting KPI: Once you’ve mastered the phone, start greeting one stranger a day in person. Use a strong, friendly voice that sends out good vibes.

3.  The Compliment KPI: Finally, pair your greeting with a compliment. “I love your glasses, where did you get them?” Say it with confidence and energy.

A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. (Sorry for the cheesy line, I hope you’re not lactose intolerant!).  So rather than trying to completely reinvent yourself overnight, just pick up the phone, use your voice, and watch how quickly the world stops ignoring you.

You’re in the middle of a sentence, your chest feels tight, and suddenly you’re gasping for air like you’ve just finished a 100m sprint.

But you haven’t been running. You’re just… talking.

If you’ve ever wondered “why do I run out of breath when talking”, it usually isn’t because you have small lungs. It’s because you’re a “leaky” speaker.

The Breath Leak: Why You’re Running Out of Air

When you’re struggling to finish a sentence without a massive gasp, it usually means you’re being too breathy.

Think about it like this: your breath is the fuel for your voice.

If you open the fuel tank wide and let everything pour out on the first three words, you’re going to be empty before you hit the punchline.

Someone with low breath support sounds like they are whispering or sighing through their words.

“Hi everyone… (gasp)… it’s so good… (gasp)… to be here.”

It sounds airy, it sounds tired, and most importantly, it makes you feel like you’re constantly suffocating mid-conversation.

How to Control Your “Fuel”

To stop running out of breath when speaking, you have to learn how to manage the air release per word.

You don’t need more air. You need better management of the air you already have.

Here is a simple way to test your current breath support: 👇

The Counting Exercise

1. Take a deep, comfortable breath.
2. Start counting out loud at a normal volume: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…
3. Keep going until you absolutely have to take another breath.

Where did you stop?

If you only made it to 5 or 6 before your lungs felt empty, you’re releasing way too much air per number. You’re “leaking” fuel.

On the flip side, some people hold it in so tight they sound like a robot.

“1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.”

This sounds stiff and unnatural. It’s like driving with the handbrake on.

Finding Your Middle Ground

The secret to great vocal presence is finding the “Goldilocks Zone” of breath.

Not too much. Not too little. Just right.

Try the counting exercise again, but this time, play with the flow:

🔊 The Airy Version: Let lots of air out. See how fast you empty the tank.

🤐 The Tight Version: Hold everything in. Notice how strained your throat feels.

⚖️ The Balanced Version: Release just enough air to make the sound clear and resonant.

When you find that middle ground, you’ll notice that your voice sounds stronger and you no longer feel that panicked need to gasp for air every five seconds.

Practice Makes Permanent

You don’t need a gym membership to fix this. You just need a few minutes of experimentation.

Next time you’re in the car or the shower, practice that counting exercise.

Learn what it feels like to “sip” your air rather than “gulping” it.

If you can master your breath support, you’ll stop running out of breath when presenting and start speaking with the kind of calm, steady confidence that makes people actually want to listen. 👊