Picture this.
You’re at a networking function trying to connect with someone new, but instead of a smooth conversation, you find yourselves talking at each other, not with each other. It feels disconnected, awkward and almost like trying to have a conversation over Zoom with a terribly slow internet connection.
If you’ve been there yourself, I want to share something that can completely transform how you communicate when meeting new people.
It’s a simple framework I teach in all my workshops called ‘Match, Mirror, and Lead’ (MML) which, if used correctly, will help you to build rapport without absolutely anyone. Fast. 🚀
The Misconception That Holds People Back
A lot of people think, “To be a great communicator, I just need to be myself. One version of me. All the time.”
But communication doesn’t work like that.
Imagine bringing a megaphone 📢 to a whispering competition. It doesn’t matter how good your message is, it simply won’t land. Great communication is about adapting to the moment without losing your authenticity.
You’re not being fake. You’re being flexible.
Step 1: Match and Mirror
Let me give you an example.
At my live events, I often meet students who are quite introverted. If someone comes up to me and says softly, “Hi Vinh, I just wanted to say thank you,” I don’t respond with over-the-top enthusiasm and a booming voice.
If I did, they’d probably freak out and call the police.
Instead, I match and mirror their vocal foundations, their body language and their tone. I lower my voice, slow my rhythm and what happens is incredible. They relax. They feel safe. They feel seen.
That’s rapport.
It’s about meeting people on their communication style level so they don’t feel overwhelmed or out of sync with you.
Step 2: Lead Gently
Now here’s the magic part…
Once you’ve matched someone’s energy, you can start to lead rather than force the conversation where you want it to go.
For example, if someone speaks at a 4 out of 10 energy level, you should also start at 4. Then slowly move to a 5, maybe a 6. That gentle increase helps them come along with you, without resistance.
This is the real skill in building rapport – learning how to read what level someone is at, then adjusting your communication style to match. From there you can slowly lead them in the direction you want the conversation to go.
Bonus Framework: Identifying What People Actually Want From You
When someone is talking to you, they’re usually looking for one of four things:
- Information: These conversations are direct and to the point. Match that with clear, factual responses.
- Connection: Here, you’ll hear more emotion in their tone. They’re not just asking a question, they’re seeking warmth. Match that emotional energy.
- Peace and harmony: Some people are conflict-avoidant and want calm energy. If you come in too strong, you’ll scare them off. Tread lightly and speak with softness.
- Fun: These people tease, play, and joke. Lean into it.
If you can spot what someone values most in a conversation whether it’s information, connection, harmony, or fun – you can then tailor your delivery to match.
That’s how you speak their language (without changing your message) and build instant rapport.
