I used to struggle with small talk. I’d meet someone new, start chatting, and then… silence. An awkward, heavy silence. The conversation would die and I’d walk away feeling like I failed some invisible social test.

If you’ve ever felt unsure what to say next or afraid you might say the wrong thing, don’t worry you’re not alone. This is one of the most common questions I get asked.

Let’s break it down together, because small talk doesn’t have to feel forced or fake. In fact, it can be one of the best ways to build a real connection with someone. You simply just need a new mindset and a few tools in your pocket.

Reframe What Small Talk Is

Most people think they need to sound clever or interesting when meeting someone new (this used to be me too).

But here’s the truth: the best way to connect with someone isn’t by trying to impress them, it’s by showing that you’re interested in them.

That shift changes everything. When you focus on being curious instead of clever, small talk becomes easier and far more enjoyable.

Ask Better Questions

If you want to get better at small talk, stop relying on “How’s your day going?”. It’s fine to start with that, but you’ve got to be ready to follow up with something more open and engaging (or be prepared to endure the awkward silence if they simple respond with “good“.)

One of my personal go-to lines is: “What’s the most exciting thing you’ve got planned for today?”

It’s not weird, it’s intentional. It opens the door for someone to share something real. 

When you have a few good questions ready, you find you won’t freeze up but rather be able to guide the conversation.

Go Deeper (When It Feels Right)

Once some connection is made, you can explore deeper questions. These aren’t for the elevator, but they work beautifully in friendly, casual settings.

One I love asking is: “If you had to name the most important lesson you’ve learned in the last 12 months, what would it be?”

This kind of question creates space for honesty. It also helps you stand out from the typical small talk cycle that most people get stuck in.

Give Yourself Permission to Be Weird

Not everyone will love your questions and that’s okay!

Some people might think you’re a little quirky for being curious. That used to hold me back. But I realised – I’m probably not going to see this person again, so why not practice?

When you stop fearing awkwardness and start treating conversations as experiments, you get better. fast.

Remember, you don’t need to be perfect, you just need to show up with curiosity and the courage to keep going.

Key Takeaway

People love talking about themselves, so mastering small talk can be as simple as having a few good questions up your sleeve, showing genuine interest and not being afraid of their judgement.