Vinh Giang

It is really important, especially early in our lives, to clearly define the difference between confidence and arrogance.

On the surface, they can sometimes look similar. 

• A confident person stands tall; an arrogant person stands tall. 
• A confident person speaks up; an arrogant person speaks up.

But the internal mindset, the engine driving that behavior, is completely different. 

And that difference determines whether people want to follow you or run away from you.

What is True Confidence?

I believe confidence is found in people who believe that others are equal to them.

It is a mindset that says: “I’m not better than you. But also, you’re not better than me.”

We’re on the same playing field.

When confident people walk through life thinking in this way, they remain open.

• They are open to new opportunities.
• They are open to learning from other people (because they don’t think they are “above” anyone).

As a result, I believe confident people become more successful because they are constantly absorbing wisdom from the world around them.

What is Arrogance?

Arrogance is the opposite. Arrogant people go through life believing that they are better than others.

They believe they are on a whole other level, and that everyone else is on a lower playing field.

Because they believe this, they go through life closing off their mind and closing off their heart. They aren’t open to new opportunities because they think they already know everything. 

They don’t learn from other people because they don’t think other people have anything to teach them.

The “Success” Trap

I used to say that arrogant people don’t succeed, but I actually have to take that statement back.

Sometimes, arrogant people do succeed. 

We’ve all seen it, but there’s a catch!

When an arrogant person succeeds, they usually end up standing at the top of the mountain alone and when they do win, everyone around them secretly (or openly) hates them. 

A great example of this is my videographer Craig. Arrogant guy. Makes me sick. His name leaves such a bad taste in my mouth that I need a mint just talking about him… (Just kidding Craig, I don’t even like mints.)😉

Confidence vs Arrogance: A Concise Summary

The difference between confidence and arrogance isn’t just about how you feel about yourself; it’s about how you view others.

• Confidence: “We are equals. I can learn from you.”
• Arrogance: “I am better than you. You have nothing to teach me.”

Choose the path of the open mind and you’ll find others will perceive you as confident, inspiring and worth listening to. 

Ready to build true confidence?

True confidence comes from competence and knowing how to interact and communicate with the world effectively.

If you want to start building that foundation, I invite you to join my Free Virtual Masterclass. It’s the perfect place to start.

Or, if you are ready to completely transform how you show up in the world, check out my full range of in-person workshops and online communication and public speaking courses.

❤️ Love you Craig

Charisma often feels like a magical quality, and is often thought of as something you either have or you don’t. 

However the truth is anyone can learn to be more charismatic, and it’s easier than you might think!

Charisma is simply a result of the signals your body is sending to the people around you. If you change the mechanics of your body language, you change the way people perceive you.

Here are five body language hacks that will instantly boost your charisma, charm and influence;

1. The “Computer” Gesture

Have you ever spoken to someone and felt like they weren’t really listening?

To make people feel heard, you need to show them you are processing their information. I call this “The Computer” gesture.

This is where you fold your arms then bring one up to your chin while the other person is speaking. 

It signals that you are “downloading” what they are saying. 

It shows you are processing, you are listening, and most importantly, it shows you care.

2. Facial Congruence

This sounds simple, but so many people get it wrong. You must make sure your face matches your words.

If you are delivering bad news, but you have a big smile on your face, you create a creepy disconnect. 

To be charismatic, you need to be congruent. 

If the message is serious, your face must be serious. If the message is exciting, your face must be lit up.

3. Play Charades (Gesture Vocabulary)

The next time you are talking to friends or family, I want you to imagine you are playing a game of Charades.

Most people have a very limited “gesture vocabulary.” They keep their hands still or do the same repetitive motion. 

Instead, try to act out what you are saying.

When you visualise the story with your body, you become infinitely more charismatic & engaging to watch.

4. The Triangle Technique

Eye contact is powerful, but an unwavering stare into the depths their soul is not what we’re aiming for here.

If you struggle with maintaining the right amount of eye contact, use the Triangle Technique.

This helps you maintain connection without it becoming intense or awkward:

1. Look at their Left Eye.
2. Look at their Right Eye.
3. Look down to their Nose.
4. Loop back to the start.

Shift your focus every 4 to 5 seconds. This creates a natural gaze that makes the other person feel seen and comfortable.

5. The Power Sphere

Finally, you need to know where to gesture.

Many people gesture down by their hips or their waist. This signals low energy and low confidence. If you want to project charisma, you need to move your hands into the Power Sphere.

The Power Sphere is an imaginary box between your belly button and your eyes.

When you keep your hand gestures inside this box, you appear more influential, more authoritative, and much more engaging – aka more charismatic.

Becoming More Charismatic Is As Easy As…

If you want to score a “5 out of 5” on the charisma scale, simply add these body language techniques into your repertoire;

1. The Computer: Hand on chin to show you are processing.
2. Congruence: Ensure your facial expression matches the emotional tone of your words.
3. Charades: Act out your stories to increase your gesture vocabulary.
4. The Triangle: Rotate eye contact (Eye-Eye-Nose) every 5 seconds.
5. Power Sphere: Keep your gestures between your belly button and your eyes.

Ready to take your communication to the next level?

Charismatic body language is just a small part of attracting, influencing and inspiring others.

If you want to dive deeper into mastering your communication skills, I invite you to explore my full range of in-person workshops and online communication skills courses. 

I spend a lot of time talking about how to be inspiring, energetic, and influential. But what happens when you need to deliver bad news and the moment requires the exact opposite energy?

Just imagine if a doctor delivered a terminal diagnosis like:

“Hi Susan, thanks for coming in. Unfortunate news, you have cancer. It’s quite aggressive. You’ve got six months. Get your family in. Sorry about that.”

I personally have had family members pass away from cancer, and I remember the people who delivered the news. 

Some of them delivered it “straight to the cup.” Cold. Clinical. Detached. And I can tell you: 

It hurt.😞

But why are some people so bad at delivering bad news? Why do managers fire people over Zoom in 3 minutes? Why do some doctors sound like robots?

Because they were never trained.

During your education or professional career, you are taught what to say (the data, the diagnosis, the facts). You are rarely taught how to say it.

How To Deliver Bad News

If you are a leader, a parent, or just a human being, you will eventually have to give someone bad news – but how you deliver it has a massive impact on how the other person receives the information.

Here is how to deliver bad news with love and compassion;

1. Shift Your Gears (The Energy Shift)

The most common mistake people make is staying in their “default” gear.

If I was to convey bad news to someone with high energy, loud volume, and fast pace (even if I was trying to be positive) it would be jarring. It would feel disconnected.

You have to be able to switch gears.

You need to move from “high energy/inspirational” to “nurture/love/care”;

• Slow down the pace.
• Lower the volume.
• Soften the tone.

You must use your facial expressions, your body language, and your voice to display love. You are creating a safe space for their emotional discomfort.

2. The “We” Framework

When delivering bad news, the scariest thing for the recipient is the feeling of isolation.

“I am alone in this.”

Your job is to bridge that gap immediately.

Here is how I would roleplay that same doctor scenario from above, but using the “we” framework:

“Susan… I know you’ve been waiting for these results. Do you have a moment? Let’s sit down.”

“What I’m about to share with you is going to be very difficult to hear. The results have come back, and it’s not looking good.”

“Now, Susan, even though what I’m about to say is scary, I am here for you. We are going to walk this path together. You are not alone.”

Notice the difference? I acknowledged the fear. I slowed down. But most importantly, I reassured her that I would be holding her hand every step of the process.

Summary

Delivering bad news is one of the hardest things we do, but it is an important skill for all of us to master. Remember, it is not just about the facts (the what); it is about the delivery (the how).

• Shift Your Gears: Move from efficiency to empathy. Slow down, lower your volume, and soften your tone.
• Use the “We” Framework: Eliminate the fear of isolation. Remind them that they do not have to walk the path alone.

I often get asked by people from non-English speaking backgrounds ‘Vinh, what did you do differently that helped you communicate so effectively? How did you overcome the accent barrier?”

Coming from a Vietnamese background, I made the fundamental mistake of speaking the English language using Chinese and Vietnamese mouth movements.

(Before we go any further, please keep in mind that your accent is never the problem. Accents are beautiful! They are part of your heritage and your story).

The problem arises when we use the wrong “mechanical settings” for a new instrument. When I spoke English with my dad’s accent, it was simply because I was trying to force English words through the muscle memory of the Vietnamese language. 

That creates friction and reduces clarity.

If you want to keep your unique sound but drastically improve your English accent – I have a simple 2 step strategy for you to follow: 

Step 1: The Daily “Mouth Gym”

The first step to changing your accent is physical. You need to learn the “English set” of mouth movements.

When you speak your native language, your tongue, jaw, and lips move in a very specific way. English requires a different choreography and the most powerful way to learn this new choreography is to overdo it.

The 5-Minute Reading Exercise

1. Grab a book.
2. Read out loud for 5 minutes.
3. Do not read as you normally would.

I want you to exaggerate every single syllable. If the sentence is “The other day I went to the shop,” I want you to read it like this:

“The… Oth-er… Day… I… Went… To… The… Shop.”

Open your mouth wide. Stick your tongue out. Stretch your jaw. (Yes, it should feel ridiculous – lean into it).

Why do we do this? When you overdo the mouth and tongue movements, you are training your muscles to adopt the correct shape for English sounds. You are building new muscle memory.

If you practice this for just five minutes a day, you will still have your accent, but your clarity will be dramatically enhanced.

Step 2: The 20-Minute Video Audit

Once you are working on your physical mechanics, we need to gather data on your specific habits. 

The Recording

I want you to record a 20-minute video of yourself speaking to the camera.

The video must be improvised. Do not use a script. Do not rehearse. Talk about your breakfast, your job, your hobbies, or what you did last weekend. We need to capture your natural “thinking voice,” not your polished “reading voice.”

The Speech Pathologist (Articulation)

Take that video file and send it to a Speech Pathologist – your request to them is simple:

“What would it cost for you to review this video? These are the words I use in everyday speech. Could you help me identify the words I am pronouncing incorrectly, and teach me the mouth movements to fix them?”

I personally did this when I was trying to improve my English accent many years ago and it was a game-changer. 

The ESL Teacher (Grammar)

Next, send that same video to an English as a Second Language (ESL) teacher. (Pro-tip: Get it transcribed first to make their job easier).

The ESL teacher isn’t looking at your mouth; they are looking at your grammar and sentence structure.

When I did this, my report came back highlighting a major issue: 

Tenses. 

I was constantly using past tense as future tense, and future tense as past tense. I didn’t even hear myself doing it. But once it was pointed out on paper, I could finally see the pattern.

The Trap: Analysis Paralysis

Now, a very important warning.⚠️

When you get these reports back from the speech pathologist and ESL teacher, it is probably going to feel overwhelming.

Do not freak out!

This is where most people fail. They get “Analysis Paralysis.” They try to fix the “TH” sound, the “R” sound, their past tense, and their future tense all in the same sentence. They overthink, stumble, and give up.

The Rule of One

The secret to improving your accent is to pick one thing to work on at a time.

• Week 1: “I am only going to focus on sticking my tongue out for the word ‘Three’.”
• Week 2: “I am only going to focus on using past tense correctly.”

When you improve articulation and pronunciation, people subconsciously perceive you to be more intelligent. It’s a harsh reality, but it’s true.

By tackling these small mechanics one by one, you aren’t just improving your English accent, you’re changing how the world sees you.

Do you want to go deeper? Mastering your articulation is the first step, but mastering your message is where the real magic happens. 

I offer a free live and interactive Masterclass where I teach the frameworks for improving your communication skills and becoming more influential – check it out here, or, view my full range of in-person and online communication skills courses.

You’ve probably asked yourself this question because you’ve read somewhere that a deeper voice sounds more attractive, builds more trust, and increases your influence.

It does! 

However, whilst there are undeniable benefits to speaking in a lower register, depth is only one piece of the puzzle. 

If you truly want to persuade, influence and communicate more effectively, your voice needs to also be distinct and dynamic. 

If you’re new here, my name is Vinh 👋 I’m a communication skills & public speaking coach, and one of the most requested topics from my online student community is how to develop that rich, dynamic, deeper sounding voice.

I’m going to share the top three vocal exercises that I used personally when I started my journey to improve the quality of my voice. If you do these three exercises for just 3 minutes a day, within a few weeks, you are going to notice a massive improvement.

Exercise 1. The Siren Technique

The first exercise is all about strengthening your vocal instrument. It’s called The Siren.🚨

This is simply making sounds that mimic a siren – gliding from low to high and back down again. You can do this with your mouth closed (humming) or open.

The goal here is to start with a really low voice, slide up gradually to your highest pitch (don’t be afraid of the falsetto!), and then slide all the way back down into the bowels of your chest. I want you to channel your inner Frank Sinatra on the way down.

Think of it like a balloon.🎈

You know when you blow up a balloon and just let the neck go, the air rushes out loosely and makes a deep, flapping sound. That is exactly what happens when your vocal cords are loose – you achieve a deeper voice.

But, when you stretch the neck of the balloon tight, the air comes out as a high-pitched squeal.

• Tension = High Pitch
• Relaxation = Low Pitch

By going up and down, you are alternating between tension and relaxation and effectively doing a “bicep curl” for your vocal cords. 

One important tip to remember! When you practice the Siren Technique, push yourself to 150% of your range, because only about 70% of that practice will follow through into your everyday speaking voice.

Exercise 2. Lip Trills

The next activity is Lip Trills. This is where you blow air through your lips to make them vibrate (like a horse blowing air, or a kid making a motorboat sound).

You can do this on a single note, or you can get creative and hum your favorite song. 🎵

Lip Trills are one of the absolute best exercises you can do for vocal placement. Many people produce sound from the back of their throat, which can sound strained. Others speak through their nose, creating a nasally, whining quality.

When you do lip trills, you are creating vibrations right at the front of your mouth. You are training your body to place the voice optimally – right where your lips are. The more you do this, the less nasally or throat-heavy you will sound, and the more clear and pleasant your tone will become.

Exercise 3. Soft Palate Yawns

This last one is a bit unusual, but it is the secret to getting “Volume for Free.”

This exercise focuses on the Soft Palate.

If you run your tongue or thumb behind your top teeth, you feel a hard ridge. That’s the hard palate. If you go further back (careful not to gag!), you will feel a squishy, slimy area. That is your soft palate.

We want to learn how to lift that soft palate.

When you lift the soft palate, you create more room inside your mouth. More room equals more resonance.

The Cathedral Effect ⛪

Imagine walking into a tiny, carpeted room and saying “Hello.” The sound dies instantly.

Now, imagine walking into a massive cathedral or church.

You say “Hello,” and the sound bounces off the walls with incredible reverb. It sounds rich and powerful because there is space for the sound to travel.

By lifting your soft palate, you are turning your mouth from a tiny room into a cathedral.

How do you do it?

Just yawn! 

When you yawn, your soft palate naturally lifts. Try to trigger a yawn right now… (not a difficult task for those of us with young kids!)

Notice that stretched feeling in the back of your throat? That is the open space we want.

Now, try to speak or make a sound while maintaining that yawn shape. You will notice your voice gets significantly louder without you having to strain your throat.

The 9-Minute Routine For Getting A Deeper Sounding Voice

If you want a deeper, more dynamic and resonant voice, here is your daily prescription:

1. The Siren (3 Minutes): To strengthen the vocal cords.
2. Lip Trills (3 Minutes): To master forward vocal placement.
3. Yawning (3 Minutes): To lift the soft palate for resonance and volume.

Practice these daily. It won’t just change the depth of your voice; it will wildly transform the way you come across every time you speak.

Final Thought: Your Voice is an Instrument

Your voice is one of the most powerful instruments in the world.

Think of these vocal exercises like tuning a guitar. If a guitar isn’t tuned, it doesn’t matter how beautiful the song is; it’s going to sound terrible. 

It’s the same with your voice..

However, even once the instrument is tuned, you still need to know what music to play. That is where communication frameworks come in – knowing how to structure your thoughts.

If you’d like to master the “music” as well as the instrument, check out my in-person and online communication skills courses here.

I recently received a message from a student that highlights a struggle, I think, almost everyone has faced at some point.

They wrote: “Vinh, when I meet with strangers, I find it really difficult to come up with questions to ask them.”

It’s a terrifying feeling! Standing there, mind blank, hoping a brilliant topic of conversation will just fall out of the sky. 

But here is the truth: 

That feeling of “not knowing what to say next” during a conversation isn’t a personality flaw, it is just a lack of preparation.

They say that luck is defined by when preparation meets opportunity. So, instead of hoping you get lucky and the conversation flows, I want you to prepare to be lucky.

Becoming a Better Conversationalist 

Mastering the art of conversation is as simple as having a list of five questions in your “Back Pocket” which can be used at any given moment.

Here my 5 personal favourite “Back Pocket” questions that I share with my students to ensure they never run out of things to say:

Question 1. The Classic (With a Planned Response)

The first one is super easy. Everyone does it.

“Hey, how are you going?” (or “Alright mate?”  – if you’re British)

Now, you know that by asking this, 99% of people are just going to say, “Yeah, good. Doing well. How are you?”

Most people waste this moment by replying, “Good, thanks.” 

🛑Don’t do that!🛑

Have a planned response ready.

• Them: “How are you?”
• You: “Oh, thanks for asking! You know, one of the most exciting things that happened to me today was [Insert Story]…”

All of a sudden, you’ve got the conversation moving. You took a dead-end greeting and turned it into a story.

Question 2. The “Foodie” Question

This is one I absolutely love asking because I am a massive foodie. This is perfect for quick interactions, like if I’m meeting someone in an elevator or waiting in a lobby.

“Hey quick question; have you been to a restaurant that’s really good nearby? I’m trying to explore some new places.“

This is a win-win situation.

• If they know a place: We start talking about food, flavors, and experiences. I win.
• If they don’t know a place: It’s okay. I still got to practice my small talk and break the ice.

Question 3. The “Time-Travel” Questions

These questions depend on your level of comfort. I usually use them if I’m sitting next to someone on a bus or waiting in a line where I know we will be together for at least 10 or 15 minutes.

The Look Back:

“Hey, I’m curious; what’s something interesting that’s happened to you in the past few weeks?”

The Look Forward:

“What are you looking forward to the most in the next 12 months?”

Now, I know what some of you are thinking. “Ah, no Vinh! That feels too weird. I can’t ask a stranger that!”

It feels weird for you. It’s not weird for me. 

Why? Because I’ve practiced it. Try it before you judge it. You will be surprised at how open people are when you give them a chance to talk about the good things in their life.

Question 4. The “Wisdom” Question

I am always looking to learn. If I get the sense that the person I’m talking to has some experience or wisdom to share, I’ll go to this one:

“What’s the best piece of advice you’ve been given in the last year?”

This cuts through the surface-level chatter immediately. It signals that you value their perspective and often leads to a much deeper connection than talking about the weather.

Question 5. The “Character” Question

Finally, if you really want to get to know a person, don’t ask about their job.

Asking “What do you do?” usually leads to a rehearsed, boring answer about their profession. I find it is way better to ask:

“What do you do in your free time?”

You learn so much more about a person by understanding their hobbies and passions than you do by asking about their 9 to 5.

Choose Your Own Adventure

When I meet new people, I always lead with the easy, opening questions. But once the door is open, I “choose my own adventure” depending on my mood.

• If I’m hungry? I ask about food. 
• If I’m feeling philosophical? I ask about their best piece of advice. 
• If I want to know who they really are? I ask about their free time.

The Golden Rule of Becoming A Better Conversationalist:

Don’t hope for a good conversation. Prepare for one.

Ready to take your communication to the next level?

If you want to dive deeper, I invite you to join my Free MasterClass – it’s the perfect primer for anyone looking to lead with more impact.

Or, if you are looking for a comprehensive communication skills transformation, explore my full range of in-person and online courses. Whether you prefer learning from home or joining me in the room, I have a pathway designed to elevate your communication and elevate your stage in life.